How do you decide who to dance with?
Two gentlemen, Steve and Larry, posted their thoughts on how and why they choose their dance partners. It seemed like a great idea to explore. Below is what they wrote.
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Tonight I went to one of my favorite milongas, which is at the L.A.
Argentine Association. I like go early to get a good parking spot and my favorite table. Not many people come that early so I was idly thinking about this and that, that being how I pick the ladies to ask.
I have a routine which gradually evolved; I didn't plan it out.
The first people I think of are friends, then acquaintances who always let me know they enjoy dancing with me. I often don't dance with them, though. Most of them are good dancers, and popular for themselves.
Only if they seem to be sitting out a lot of dances do I check with them to see if they want to dance but, for whatever reason, are not being asked a lot that night.
Then I check for ladies who aren't dancing at all or very much, for any of several reasons. I have several motivations for this, selfish and otherwise. One is that I fear being rejected less. And if they are beginners they probably won't be highly critical of me. I'm pretty good after twenty years of tango and thirty years of lots of other dancers before that, but I'm not super-terrific. And I also know what it is like to want to dance but not have the chance, so I sort of pay back all the women who were kind to me by being kind to these ladies.
Soon I have warmed up not only physically but emotionally and artistically, and I'm dancing well. So I begin asking the more popular ladies to dance.
There's more to my routine than that, but that's enough to get a discussion started. So. How do you decide who to dance with?
Larry de
Dear Larry,
I have pretty much the same routine. I have been dancing 1.5 years. In addition I would like to say that in my hometown I start the evening with my favorite dance partner with who I also attend several lessons and practica's each week and 1 private lesson a month. And I return to her several times during the night, especially for a Vals or Milonga tanda or if we are both sitting for a Tango (or after dancing with beginners. She will tell me to lean more or lead with my chest more if I have degraded my posture or compas after dancing with beginners.) I also try to dance with the local teacher ladies one tanda if they come that night. (I'll usually get some valuable feedback.) I also dance with beginners as payback for ladies that danced with me in the beginning.
My hometown milonga runs about 5 hours with an attendance of about 30 and I may dance with most of the ladies that night depending on how many attend. The last few Milonga tandas I dance with my favorite again since she is a strong Milonga dancer and the floor is not very crowded at that time and we can fly and make large patterns without disturbing other couples.( I like to end the night on a strong Canaro milonga.)
If I drive out of town 2.25 hours to the Tampa Bay Tango Club monthly milonga which is only about 2.5 hours long and has an attendance of about 100, I dance with the 5-6 best dancers (non-teachers) - that I already know from past experience - several times (and maybe 1 beginner due to time constraints of a short night.)
El Stevito de Gainesville
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So I've evaluated my dance partner selection, which seems more by default than intention. I did note that my approach to socially dancing seems to be based on where I am.
In
No matter where and when I dance, I always have my father's voice repeating in my head the same advice he gave me when I went to my first dance. "Any boy that crosses the dance floor to ask you to dance, just say yes. It is not a marriage proposal." I think the courage it takes to ask someone to dance, should always we rewarded with yes. After all, we are only dancing.
So how do you choose your dance partners at the Milongas?
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